“Lagos Girls Don't Want To Chop Your Money”

Lagos girls can be called a lot of things. Dumb, smart, funny, cheap, expensive, ugly, fine, literate, tush, kpako...whatever. But you know what? None of that is true. Lagos girls are the most beautiful creatures on earth. I feel this way for now, maybe until I go to Brazil, and soak myself in all those hot booties and high-rounded buttocks. But for now, let's stick with our lovely Lagos girls. Na food wey dey your front wey you go chop!

People call Lagos girls all sorts of names, but to be fair, you only get the kind of girls you do because of the way you are. If you're tush, tush girls come to you, if you're the guy who drinks Alomo on the daily, and smoke weed without any iota of Ajebutterism in you, then brother, don't go on your knees hoping God will send you Genevieve Nnaji. If you get a whore, then give thanks to Jah Almighty.
First, let's talk about the issue of money. Attack me if you want, but most Lagos girls do not want your money. Maybe the student girls need the cash, but good luck to you if you're an honest working class guy, and find yourself attracted to the funny accents and formings of the young women from UniLag, with pointy breasts, and tempting arses, then my brother, you are surely on the highway to your village. Broke, penniless, and dry. They will suck your money and give it to their handsome, bubbly student boys with more swag, and energy.

I'm not saying you should never date a student. God forbid! Students deserve all the love they can get. All I'm saying is that you should respect yourself and your career, and allow the students date the students. Let the broke students date broke students. Let them sneak out of their hostels, drink garri, eat chicken and chips, hug themselves, and disvirgin themselves. Don't get into that equation, unless you have a good career ahead of you as an Aristo Daddy. Then God bless your hustle.
Lagos girls do not want your money. No. All they want from a good guy is love and affection. If your wallet gets thrown open in the course of being a loverboy, then they'll love you more. Your ATM is not their prayer point. They look out for potential, and a good career guy who is sure to have all the skills and talent to one day be the millionaire. Those things last. Your present money might not.
So that's said. Let's go straight to the fun part. No Lagos guy is supposed to be single. Women plenty for Lagos. But the reason why many still stay single is because they have what the Non-Ajebutters call 'Big Eye' or 'Open Eye'. They want more than they deserve.
“That girl no get yansh, that girl no get yansh"....that was how my Uncle Aje died alone and sad at 60.

It's only in Lagos that an Agbero will go to church and pray for the woman of his dreams. And guess who she is? You will expect an Agbero to pray for a fellow Agbero woman, with thick yam legs, and an annoying 'H' speech factor. But no! He'll pray for a supermodel girlfriend, with plenty of money and a big shiny car.

I believe wealth is a relative term, subject to individual meaning and interpretation. Success is best described in a number of ways that do not in any way become the same for different people. So let's clarify this.
By the Nigerian societal standards, I won't be called a rich man. Even though I live in my independent personal space, have over 5 close personal relationships, a fairly decent job, and a family who love me to nuts, but in Nigerian terms, I will never be called a 'rich' man.
But I still get girls, perhaps way more than my fair share of women, and I am not rich. Neither do they 'chop' my money. Maybe because I have a specific way of dealing with women, or they just love me to pieces, and never ask for money, but when I look closely, it's just my way of dealing with women that makes me a candidate for love, and not a tool for practical parasitology.
So for all the good old angry, frustrated men of Lagos state and beyond that think that not spending money on women makes me the Antichrist, I am going to share some of my secrets on how I achieve so many women, but never have to spend all my salary on them.

• Never Date A Broke Lagos Girl

This is the first mistake many Lagos dudes make. Just because she's pretty, wears nice clothes, smells like a Parisian Garden, and laughs hard at all your dry jokes does not mean you should collect her number.
The economy is hard. Many girls are broke these days, and since firms are not looking to employ half-baked graduates, and parents are not ready to feed their adult babies, the girls need to survive. They need to come up with a hustle, that feeds and clothes them all.
You Are That Hustle!
If you fall into a relationship with a broke girl, you automatically become her job. Your small salary becomes 'our' salary, and your life become linked to her. She will be eager to please, give you the best sex ever, but your life begins to go downhill. Avoid these types.

• Never Bring Out Your Wallet The First Time You Meet

This sends the wrong message, even to a decent lady. Sell yourself first as a sincere individual, not as Santa Claus or the Senator's last born. She'll appreciate that. Never pay her fare, or offer to buy her stuff. You might argue that doing so will make her know that you are a 'giver', you're not stingy, and you can share. But those aren't the first things she should be thinking about you. How about thoughts like, 'He's such a funny guy', or he's so chaming and sexy, or he's cute when he laughs.'.
I'll take those ones any day, over 'He's so awesome when he opens his wallet'.

• Don't talk about your job...

...except if it's a flashy job, like mine that is interesting, and makes you meet lots of interesting people who will be of interest to the girl. If you have to talk about it, make it funny and interesting, not rich and important. If you are important, she'll notice anyway. Don't make it who you are. Sell yourself, not your source of livelihood.

• Make her see you the way you are. Don't form. Forming can only make her expect more from you...and your small salary.
• Be sure to come across as ambitious and forward-thinking. Lagos girls like a guy who can sound like he will be the CEO of a Multinational firm one day. Tell her your plans for the future. Even if you are a ne'er-do-well. Fake it until God blesses you.
• Take her money, when she offers it. But don't ask her for it. Form small too. Girls are very caring beings, and they will like to show how much they care about you, even if it means spending their money on your needs. When you hit a rough patch, and she's still with you, just complain to her. She'll offer you money. Reject it, form, tell her thank you. She will press, and only when she offers the third time should you accept it. Never accept it on the first try, or ask for it, or else you will be called a 'gold digger'.
• Be faithful to her...at least in her presence. When a Lagos girls know that you are faithful to her, and the big asses of other Yoruba women do not appeal to you, then she will grow a conscience, and not eat your money. She will know that you are 'together', and won't do anything to run you down.

Finally, if you do everything above, and your girlfriend still wants to only chop your money, then take her for deliverance, or leave. If that behaviour repeats with another woman, then accept your faith. The lord is grooming you to be an Aristo Baba.