"Lagos Weed Comes From The Devil"

Many of you might not like this, but I seem to think weed is good. Marijuana was put on this earth for strong brothers in the hustle, who need a little high from time to time. It is not a drug, neither should it be banned and its smokers stigmatized.
All weed, except the ones in Lagos. Lagos weed is from the devil, and I’ll tell you why.

Growing up in different cities, I was brought up as a good kid. I was told never to swear, curse my neighbour, use the Lord’s name for shit, nor covet my brother’s toy. I was obedient.
I scored the almost the highest marks for the best behaved kid. I didn’t score the highest because I developed early, the ability to transact sexual business with girls. I always arrived school armed with a jar of sweets. I offered them to girls on the school playground so they could raise their skirts for me to see their pants. I was born with the genes of a pimp.

Growing up, the commands from my dad changed. I was told not to have sex (which I disobeyed each chance I got), nor smoke, nor drink alcohol. The sex part was hard to keep up with. But the alcohol and cigarettes, I stayed away.
Now with no one threatening knock me over the head if I disobey, I still haven’t had my first smoke. But I always admire people who smoke, not cigarettes, but weed. Cigarettes irritate me, but weed, I like.

Weed smokers in others cities make me laugh. They smoke with a certain passion and utmost belief in their plant. They just sit still, meditate, take a drag, inhale, spit it out, and think for a second. I love to think that during intense sessions of weed, these smokers find the true meaning of life, which they forget the moment their weed is exhausted.

But Lagos weed smokers make me believe that hell is real. There has to be a special place for the souls of Agberos with their unwashed bodies, brown teeth and loud laughter.
When Agberos smoke weed in Lagos, they don’t discover the true meaning of life. They discover new ways to disturb the peace of the state. They wake up early, even before the first cock takes a piss, and they smoke big brown joints. Then they spit, and run around town.

I once spent 5 minutes with an Agbero who just smoked weed, and watched his favourite football team, Chelsea FC, lose a game. He never recovered.
‘Selsi Oh!’ he cried, and took a long drag.
‘Why Selsi lose this match na?’, he asked the skies. Only his burning weed replied him.
He was black, he was dirty. He smelled of rotten fish, and above all, he smoked Lagos weed.

That weed surely comes from the devil.